::journal::
Contents:
10/8/07 You
Can't Do It All
7/23/07 Courage
& Adventure
1/23/07
Everything's Different
6/21/06 Beginnings
11/06/05
Marathon Time Again
8/18/05 Of
Benefits & Tears
1/21/05 September
10/11/04
To the Future
9/30/04 It's a boy!!
8/6/04 The Waiting Game
6/15/04 Long Hot Summer
4/11/04 Spring...
12/22/03 Looking
Back
8/20/03
Colorado via France
7/15/03
Life on the Run
6/27/03
The Heat Goes On
6/10/03
Moving...into the future
3/20/03 Apprehension
2/14/03 Happy Valentine's Day!!!
2/04/03
Greetings from Lyon
12/26/02
Holiday Musings
12/04/02
At Jack Hardy's
12/01/02 Hmmmmmm
9/12/02 Anniversary
8/19/02
Temporarily Yours
7/15/02
Home from France
6/26/02
Poem
5/28/02 Tour
5/25/02 Home
Again
5/9/02 San
Diego or Bust
5/3/02 On the Road
Again
4/28/02
Surprises in the works
4/12/02
Pre-Trip Blues
3/4/02
A Musical Comes to Life
2/23/02
"Building" Info, Passion and Glory
1/12/02
Heavy Thoughts and Preparation
12/12/01
Winning with Amsterdam
11/15/01
Being Thankful
9/17/01
Reflections on 9-11
9/9/01Running
into the Future
October 8, 2007
Happy Columbus Day. Don't get me started. Let's just take it at face value and not get into the absurdity of this holiday...
I've never really been good about doing cover songs. I'd actually have to learn all the words and pick a key and figure
out the chords. I never seemto have time for that. It was never my priority. So in my wildest dreams, I never thought
I'd be covered by anyone else!
Stephanie Corby, a very talented New England singer songwriter, is releasing a new album with a cover of Amsterdam!
I heard it the other day and it gave me goose bumps. She did such a beautiful version of it - really made it her own. I
always feel like the songs I write for myself are so personal that they wouldn't make good covers. In this case, I was
wrong. It makes sense when she sings it and somehow, while the notes are the same, it is a different song.
Another artist, one-time star of Broadway's Miss Saigon, did a gorgeous version of Amen. I wish I could remember her
name. If her album ever comes out, I guess I'll find out about it. Her producer took it in a much more mainstream direction
with strings and a modulation at the end - insane! I loved it, I must admit. It appealed to the pop-chick in me.
Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to share these versions of my songs with you. I think you might get a kick out of 'em.
A dance artist, Danielle Bollinger, cut a song I wrote with my friend Noel Cohen. I hear her album did pretty well - not that
I've seen a penny!!! Very annoying...
One day I will have the time and the energy to create music with more regularity. These days it's hard for me to manage eating
a proper meal or making a phone call. So busy between work, the kids and the little music I do manage... I'd like to strangle
the person who said we should be able to do it all. They LIE! Oh, they lie. Something has gotta give. I guess that expression
exists for a reason. It infuriates me to no end when people insist that it isn't so. It's downright insulting - as if those of us
who can't do it all are somehow just not clued in. Some people think they have it all andare doing it all - I know some of their
kids and trust me they are NOT taking care of everything/everyone...
How did I get on that rant? : )
Music, yes, back to music. It is in me. Dormant. Not like molten lava under a sleeping volcano. More like a little tiny turtle in
winter under the frozen ice of a lake. Buried in mud. One day thesun will warm the water. Slowly, the ice will melt. The mud will
soften. The little turtle will stir and gently ease her way out of the muck. She will swim to the surface and take a deep breath.
Maybe she'll write a little song.
For now, I am content to hear that other artists are singing my songs for me! Thank you Stephanie Corby! Thank you other lovely Korean
lady whose name I have forgotten! One day I'll write some songs Iwant to sing again. In the meantime, I'll keep cranking out those
dance tunes - speaking of which... Someone is going to do a remix of Walking Wounded with a more trance/Didoeque beat. Could be cool,
eh? That I will post so you can hear it once it is done.
Love & Peace to you all.
Jenny
July 23 2007
Friday Bernard called me from the
laundry room (we practically live there these days). There was
something I needed to see.
With Felix at summer camp and Theodore in my arms I took the
elevator down to the basement and followed Bernard into the
courtyard. "Look over in that corner," he told me. On the rough
concrete was a homely little fuzzy baby bird flapping its wings. It
would achieve lift-off for seconds before crashing back down
unceremoniously to the concrete. I couldn't figure out what kind of
bird it was until Bernard directed my eyes to the wall-top where a
male and a female cardinal nervously chirped and hopped
communicating constantly with their baby. Bernard told me the baby
bird dropped out of the sky before his eyes. He thought it was
injured, but it kept fluttering and flapping until it would fly a
bit and then plop back down.
The baby cardinal must have fallen from high-up as the tree branches
were at least 20 feet above the ground. How terrifying it must be,
those first seconds when the bird leaves the nest. How brave these
little creatures are. The parent cardinals were visibly distressed
by their little-one's dilemma. The hopped and sang frantically as
their little one chirped back resting to attempt flight again.
I didn't know male cardinals were involved in raising their young.
Are they? This one was certainly concerned. The adults chirped and
sang as if to encourage the baby to keep trying. The baby was
singing constantly. It was quite something to witness. Finally the
baby bird flew up and over the high concrete wall so we couldn't see
it anymore. Brave little bird. No doubt flying now.
I couldn't get out of my mind how scary it must be to learn to fly.
Yes, of course, the birds are guided by instinct. Yet, there is no
doubt there was so much emotion between the parents and their child.
Maybe their feelings aren't as complex as ours, or maybe they are...
There is no moral to this story. It was just an 'aha' moment for me
to realize how great a risk each creature takes in this life. Just
being a bird. Just being a girl. Just being an old woman... We take
these leaps because we are bound to by instinct and because we are
brave and because there are no guarantees but what else are you
going to do? Stay stuck up on your branch for your life? We are
fortunate if we have supporters chirping and singing for us to
encourage us along the way. Sometimes we're alone and we just have
to motivate ourselves. How many times in life do we jump from the
nest without paying attention?
That father cardinal is a pest, I have to say. Many mornings he's up
singing beneath our window, 11 floors up. at 5:15am. Bright red and
VERY loud. Why the balcony beneath OUR window? Who knows. Maybe he
senses that we're up anyway. : )
Love,
Jenny
Jan 23, 2007
Nothing in my life is the way it
was. Nothing. It’s a strange and terrifying thing, how having a baby
changes every aspect of how you see the world. It does. Now when I
see the headline photos of bodies in Iraq I see somebody’s son or
daughter. I feel heartbroken by the loss that someone is
experiencing. It becomes, in a very visceral way, my loss. I watch
silly movies, like that meteorite one… something Impact. Deep is it?
I think of how I would gladly give my life for my little boys
without hesitation. I remember the film “Sophie’s Choice” and I get
tears in my eyes. I understand why she chooses to end her own life.
I use these films to illustrate my point. Do I have a point?
What I am trying to say, in my
usual clunky manner, is that I have such a profound reverence for
life. I always did, but I realize now that it was to a much lesser
degree. When my little 3 month old boy smiles at me and I see that
twinkle in his eye, there is a god. There is a soul. We each have
one. That spark in each of us. A little tiny light. All my cynicism
seeps away in to the shadow.
I think that’s why I am obsessed
with lights. Their beauty makes me ache sometimes. Little candle
flames, a tiny spec of starlight, a Christmas tree garland. A light
can be turned on and it can be extinguished. I think I’ve traveled
this road in previous entries, no?
My heart breaks for every mother
and father who has lost a son or daughter in Iraq. I am not only
speaking of American parents. Thousands of Iraqi mothers and fathers
mourn their losses each day. Why do we all have such a hard time
understanding one another. How can we heal the middle east when the
divorce rate is 1 in 2?! Ugh.
Human beings are such a mess! Full
of absurd contradictions and hypocrisy. But so beautiful.
It has been ages since my last
confession… I mean journal entry. Try coming up with cohesive
sentences when you’ve been sleep deprived for years! Yes, years.
Music is beginning to tickle my
toes again. Just a tiny feather. I feel it on occasion. Mostly, I
ignore it. Music, don’t you know I have diapers to change and bills
to pay? Come back later, please! Don’t ring the doorbell, knock
quietly, the baby is sleeping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully, someone will still
listen. My poor boys. I’m sure my music will be SO uncool when
they’re teenagers. Maybe one of them will pick up where I left off?
Hopefully they’ll both be doctors!
Happy 2007 everyone.
Love,
Jenny
June 21, 2006
I grew up with a similar view of the Empire State building. Remember, I was born
and raised in the "Jefferson's" building? Movin' On Up and all. We did have a
deluxe apartment in the sky. We didn't have much money, but what a view! The
sunsets were often gorgeous. I bet my Dad has a good one tonight.
Today is the longest day of the year. June 21. Always a little bittersweet. Can't
help thinking it's all downhill from here! But, that doesn't stop me from enjoying
the long days while they last.
My CD is underway. I don't want to jinx it by saying anything more about it except
that it will be called Left of July and it WILL be done in July and hopefully in
the hands of those beautiful people who pre-ordered it and helped me make it before
anyone else gets a listen.
Other important news:
I watched "Alexander" last night and was utterly perplexed. Does Oliver Stone think
that Alexander the Great was Irish? Why did everyone have a brogue in the film?
Even the American actors? And Angelina Jolie sounded Bulgarian or something like
that. Perhaps she was going for Greek?
It made me ponder life and success anew. You would think a director as revered
and successful as Oliver Stone wouldn't make such odd and questionable choices costing
millions and millions of dollars. Did he think that if everyone had an Irish accent
we wouldn't notice Colin Whatever-his-name-is's accent?
Does talent really have a great role to play in success? As time marches on I begin
to understand how little great talent ultimately participates in the success of
a creative person. You can't be without it entirely, but it isn't what makes or
breaks the deal. Ambition is key. Killer ambition and hard work. Luck too. It
took me most of my life to understand this. I really always assumed that very talented
people would be heard some how, some way. I see now that this is foolish. Around
me I've watched so many very brilliant and talented artists get just so far on their
talent and then nada. Determination alone won't help if you really suck! Of course,
I have also watched a handful of somewhat talented people who manage to do incredibly
well for themselves and outshine their more talented counterparts.
Well, if you've seen Alexander or any of the last batch of Oliver Stone's films
you too may have begun to question the man's talent and/or sanity!
Enough. On to truly more important things.
I know my mom was one of the few people who read this journal. In fact two of my
most avid readers have passed on. That leaves who or is it whom? Well, just in
case the internet and the otherside are somehow connected, I'll address this last
part to them.
Mom, I'm expecting another baby in October. If it's a girl she'll bear your name,
Tamara. Perhaps not as a first name, but she'll have it. If it's a boy, we don't
know yet what his name will be. James, I would love to name him after you, but
in my family that name holds nothing but sadness and loss.
My father's brother James died in his early 30s of cancer, as did you, dear friend.
My father's uncle James died in his early 40s of alcoholism as did his father James.
My mother's father was also a James and I know, Mom, you did not hold him very near
to your heart. In fact he broke your heart time and time again. I hope you didn't
die angry at him, but I think you did. So, James, my son will not be James. Anyway,
if I were to have named a boy James it would have been Felix as I found out I was
pregnant with him the morning you left us. But Felix means happy/fortunate and I
hope and pray he lives up to his name. so far he is incredibly joyful. I thought
long and hard about it. I figure he carries a little of you with him. Shakespeare
was so right when he said that bit about a rose by any other name still smelling
as sweet. Same goes for you, Mom. If it's a boy and I can't give him your name,
please know that he'll know all about his wonderful grandmother, Tamara.
So there it is. I can't believe that I will be the mother of two. Mom, I really
wish you could be here to hold this baby. I know that many will say that you are
here and you will be there with me. I would like to believe that. Still, it's
just not the same. As your sister says, it's not like being able to go out and
have a cup of coffee together. I've never been good at the faith thing. I know
what Jan means. Please wish me luck, Mom & James and grandma Marnie (although
you never really got the web). Wish me a healthy and safe delivery and healthy
and happy baby.
On this longest day of the year I am aware that life has a beginning, middle and
end. In our lives we don't know when the solstice occurs. We can only guess.
For some it comes so early and too soon. So I am appreciating this day and hoping
that it is only my middle and that there will be many more a June 21st to come.
Love & Peace,
Jenny
November 6, 2005
Today people from all over the
world are running the New York Marathon. How on earth do people do
that? Run 26 miles? I have a bunch of friends who have run the
marathon. It seems unlikely I ever will. For starters, I don't think
I really want to. Something tells me that you really have to want to
run 26 miles in order to do it!
Helicopters are swooping constantly
around our neighborhood to get a shot of the park. It's such an
invasion. I don't understand why they're allowed to behave the way
they do... hovering in residential areas for a half hour at a time.
They are SO noisy. It's just wrong. But my complaints fall on deaf
ears. People who don't live in New York tell me, "what do you
expect? You live in NYC!" People who live in New York say "What
helicopters? I don't even notice them." So... I guess it's like it
or lump it. You would think after all these years, a lifetime in New
York City, I'd be used to the noise. Quite the opposite is true.
I used to work for Lewis Rudin
years ago (a major real estate philanthropist). My Mom also worked
for Lew. His family, his father in particular, Sam Rudin, was one of
the major sponsors of the NYC Marathon. Each year when the marathon
comes around I think of Lew who died 4 years ago. He was a generous
and exigent man known as “Mr. New York” by the NY Press... I can't
say I enjoyed working for him, as I would have preferred to be doing
music full time, but the job had its perks. I was able to record my
first album while I worked there (I worked 3 days a week and made a
decent salary). I got this great apartment where I now live.
Lew used to give me and my Mom 4th
row center tickets to the Metropolitan Opera. We heard Placido
Domingo, Pavarotti & Carreras as well as Kiri TeKanawa and a number
of amazing divas. Dozens of operas. It was so magical. He also would
give me tickets each year to the NY Film Festival. I had a day pass
and could check out all the best new independent films before their
public release. Often the actors, directors and producer would
attend the screenings and answer questions at the end. There were
films from all around the world. It was amazing. Often I would get
tickets to the opening and closing black-tie ceremonies where all
the beautiful people congregated and shmoozed. One of the highlights
was being in a bathroom stall right next to Nicole Kidman. Very
glamorous.
It was so great to work by my
Mother’s side. We got along so well. We'd have lunch every day and
chat all the time. It was wonderful. I am so grateful for that time.
I hope she knows how much I love her and miss her every single day.
I think she does.
My sister, her boyfriend, my father
and I all went to visit Mom's grave today. It was so foggy outside
this morning that we felt like we live in the clouds. Out the window
everything was grey, white and heavenly quiet. My mother is buried
in Woodlawn Cemetery in the Bronx. Just opposite her plot is Mayor
Laguardia (one of NYC’s great mayors – he has an airport : ) and
only a 100 yards away lie Miles Davis, Duke Ellington and many other
great jazz artists. Of course there are lots of regular people too.
That's the beauty of NYC. The rich and the poor, all ethnicities
mixed together. Even in death all so close together. Although some
people have bigger chunks of rock or marble. The beauty of their
graves contributes to the overall beauty of the place for all to
‘enjoy.’ I strolled the hill behind Mom's grave while trying to
compose myself. I was reading the dates and was shocked to see so
many born less than a decade ago. Little kids. Babies. One headstone
was adorned with dozens of stuffed animals, Barbies and toys. It
broke my heart. I'd like to say it made me feel fortunate to have
had my mother as long as I did, but that would be a lie. Rationally,
I thought it. But my heart still aches. She left too soon. These
children, on the other hand, their passing is tragic. I can't
imagine those poor parents and families. Reality stings - or
bites...
Woodlawn is a beautiful place. In
the Spring, there are so many flowering trees everywhere. It's
really extraordinary. In the Fall there are golden and fire-red
maples tucked away in every corner. Majestic, golden oaks. Enormous,
heaving, yellow weeping willows. It's very romantic. I am glad my
mother rests there. At the very least it is a peaceful and lovely
place to contemplate life and death.
Music, music, music. I'm doing all
kinds of things musical, but not really performing right now. I just
don't have the energy or the desire to perform. It will come back, I
feel certain. I had re-recorded a vocal for one song which is what
is holding up the release of my album. My friend who did the work
has all but vanished without a trace. I give up! I guess I'm being
too much of a perfectionist. I guess it's done... So one day I will
do a gig. When, I don't know... Will anyone be there to listen?
Maybe not. But, I've been there before...
xo
Jenny B
August 18, 2005
I can't believe I haven't written
in this journal since January. How did that happen... I always start
my entries this way, don't I? : ) I was sure I had posted something
not that long ago... Apparently not.
One year ago I was in the hospital
waiting and waiting and waiting for Felix to come! He will be one
year old tomorrow.
Tuesday night I did a concert to
benefit Cancer Care. Also performing were Jesse Harris, Vanessa
Carlton, Tina Shafer, Neil Herman and Jeff Cohen. It was quite a
powerful evening. We managed to raise a very nice amount of money
for the charity - which felt great! Emotionally, it was tough for
me. I was battling tears from the moment Tina read my bio and
mentioned that my Mother lost her battle with pancreatic cancer on
April 28, 2005. It just hit me. That's the way grief is. It catches
you off guard. When you thinkyou're fine and then... Then I had to
jump on stage and sing... Ugh. I was standing next to producer
friend, Kevin Bents and I made him pinch me VERY hard so I wouldn't
start crying.
I sang "Me & Lizzy" and that was
bumpy but ok. Then "Walking Wounded." A little better... Then I sat
down at the piano and joked around a bit before playing "Home." I
really thought I could get through the song. Go to another place and
hold back the tide of emotions. Not so. Right after singing the
first chorus I could feel my throat tighten and the tears started
welling in my eyes. I barely sang the rest of the song. I spoke
through much of it just trying hard to keep it together. Once I
finished tears began streaming down my cheeks and continued for the
next half hour as I sat on stage listening to the others sing.
Vanessa sang "Thousand Miles" or
whatever that is called! : ) Jesse sang "Don't Know Why." Thankfully
these two huge hits detracted attention from me sitting there wiping
away the tears... Tina played her Celine Dion hit "Love Is On The
Way" and Jeff played his hit "Crazy for This Girl" - I can't
remember who sang that... two guys I think. Jared or something like
that? Neil sang a song that Kenny Rogers is recording... and then
there was little old me...
What a night.
What a year.
What a life.
xo
Jenny
Jan 21, 2005
September:
I haven't written in this journal in so long... October feel eons
away. I long for September. Why is that such a mythical and
powerful month? It signifies the advent of Fall and the return to
school. The end of Summer. The end of innocence. It's odd and
somehow relevant that New York was attacked in September. September
is a serious month.
It was in September, one month after my baby was born, that I first
got wind that something wasn't right with my Mother's health. But
we were all confident it would turn out to be nothing. I dismissed
my Mother's implications that something serious was wrong and chalked it up to
her being neurotic and unhappy with work (she's no more neurotic
than I - which isn't saying much - and who likes work? : )
It wasn't until a little later in October that we learned the awful
truth. She is very ill. My beloved Mother has pancreatic cancer.
It has spread. Even the best case scenario is a nightmare.
There is no cure. Almost no survivors. This cancer is
a predator and a successful one. Cancer is another cruel
trick of nature. Our own cells becoming internal biological
terrorists. Deadly. My months have been consumed with
research and support. Spending as much time as possible with
my mother. I love her so much. She is such an amazing
woman. She has sacrificed so much for me and my family.
She has given of her heart always. She has been such an integral
part of my daily life forever... I know how fortunate I am
to have been so loved and to love so much. Still, now each day I
am fighting to understand why we are put on earth, what happens
when we leave it and how to bear the sadness and blessing of a slow
goodbye.
I wish again, now more than ever, that I had faith. Death is so
much easier for those who know. They have an answer. How lucky for
them. I know I will have to face so much death in my life (if I am
lucky enough to survive!!!). Yikes... Getting morbid here.
But life is about living. I'm doing much of that. Enjoying every
little second of life. My little boy Felix is growing so fast it's
absurd. He's gearing up to crawl any day now and makes delightful
noises mostly aimed at the jingle-squid (a
stuffed-squid-like-jingling thing that hangs from his gymini mat
where he frolics daily). I love being a mother more than I ever
imagined I could or would.
Oh, yeah, and there's still music. The CD is mastered and I'm
working on the artwork. Looking at an April release - Spring seems
like a good time to bring out a new baby. I just got back from
Nashville where I did some writing and met with a few publishers.
All went very well. A few gigs here and there. Mostly focusing on
getting this new record out and into the world.
I hope you are all enjoying this first month of the new year.
Who made January the beginning of the new year? This is the
depth of Winter. Nothing starts now, does it? It just feels like
the long-haul to Spring. New Year should be in the Spring, or even
better, in September. I think my Jewish ancestors have it
right. September is when the serious stuff begins. We are
energized. We feel Summer slipping away and the hard work
of Winter ahead.
I long for my innocence lost so many Septembers ago and rejoice in
the hope that still lurks in my heart.
xo
Jenny
October 11, 2004
What a gorgeous Fall day in NYC!
The air is so crisp like a clean sheet of blue paper. I love it.
My husband and I have been toying with the idea of moving from New
York for some time. Not because we don't like NYC. Feeling the
need for more space and yearning for a less chaotic lifestyle. But
where to go? I have never lived in a house. Never lived outside of
a city. I've never owned a car. My parents and most of my friends
are here. Where to go? There are so many beautiful places, but
where is home if not here in New York City? In my fantasy I would
have a country retreat and could have the best of both worlds.
Alas, not an option at this point in my life... I can still dream,
can't I?!
Manhattan used to have affordable housing for low-middle income
people like myself. Not any more. The city used to be so much more
diverse. Now Manhattan is for the wealthy. We're running out of
space with the little one and if we leave our rent-stabilized one
bedroom apartment we'll have to leave New York City. Bummer! New
York is so convenient with a wee one - and of course as an artist
it's an amazing place to be.
I went for a walk in Central Park yesterday (just a block and a half
from my apt.) and on my way passed Isabella Rossallini. She wore no
makeup and her habitual black billowing clothes. So elegant.
Minutes later the tattooed parrot man strolled by singing some
Sinatra tune while occasionally squawking at his colorful parrot
perched on his right shoulder. Then I bumped into one of my oldest
friends (we've known each other since 1st grade). In the afternoon
we dodged Billy Baldwin and Chyna Philips hogging the sidewalk with
their babies in a double stroller while Chyna, looking very
pregnant, danced to a Louisiana Brass Band outside of a Cajun
restaurant. I must have said hello to a half a dozen people on the
street including the dry-cleaner and Victor the doorman one building
down. Peter Bernstein, one of the world's top jazz guitarists
walking his dog stopped to see Felix and we chatted for a while on
the corner... Friends and neighbors.
I would miss all of this... There's nothing like it. It feels like
home. Here I feel such a strong sense of community while also
feeling like I can be a fly on the wall. In truth I don't really
want to leave. I guess I kind of resent feeling driven out of my
hometown. I guess that's just the way the wheel turns. It was my
mistake to assume that I would always be able to live here.
Reminder to take nothing for granted.
So many question-marks in my life right now. Well, I guess that is
life, isn't it?
I've watched all the debates so far. Politics frustrate me.
Talking heads... They are all so busy spouting slogans and dodging
sound-byte labels that the questions are hardly answered. I wish
they could debate one another face to face. Sometimes I felt like I
was watching infomercials. I don't even want to talk about it.
I'm just hoping that everyone gets out and votes this time. How
shameful that people in this country take for granted the privilege
of being allowed to vote. Perhaps it is a right, but no less a
privilege. I find that most shocking of all that people don't
exercise their right to vote in elections, yet they'll vote for
American Idol. That freaks me out.
My calendar is slowly starting to fill up again. Feels good, albeit
a bit scary. Hoping I can manage it all. I really do love being
Felix's mom. He's so sweet and it's really fun watching him grow
and change. 'Everyone' told me I would experience love unlike any
other. I usually hate it when 'everyone' is right. : )
xo
Jenny
September 30, 2004
My little boy, Felix Duncan Jean
Adnet-Bruce, was born on August 19 at 12:34am. Weighed 7lbs 10oz
and was 21" long. (Now he weighs over 11lbs and he's grown over an
inch!). He is 6 weeks old today. Magic age where babies become
little people.
My life has changed completely. Who am I? Have barely touched my
guitar in months. I tried to play yesterday and ouch! Not a
callous on my baby soft fingers. Piano... It's so out of tune it
hurts! My voice is slowly returning to normal, although I think it
may have deepened for good. I still can't wear my wedding band and
wonder if my knuckles aren't permanently expanded...
Felix is adorable. Even covered in baby acne/eczema or whatever it
is that is all over his face. He is so sweet. He has started
smiling and even giggling - when he does I melt completely... It
kills me. For the most part he's a reasonable boy. Not an
inordinate amount of fussing (he has his moments). He does sleep,
but wakes up about every 3 hours to be fed (occasionally will pull
4-5 hours of sleep for which I am eternally grateful). Yeah, right
now it's all about the baby. I am enjoying being Felix's Mom and
trying to not think too much about the future. Trusting it will all
work out.
I think my album is nearly completely mixed now. Hopefully in a few
weeks it'll be done. Then I will have to master. My
husband/graphic designer is a bit overwhelmed these days. He's busy
with work and his new paternal duties. I am, nonetheless, excited
about my new record and little by little stepping back into music.
Song ideas are again starting to sprout spontaneously in my thoughts
as I'm strolling around New York. Fragments of chords and the
yearning for chords creeping back into my mind. It's a good
feeling. I have a few dates on my schedule and will be adding
more. We'll see how it goes.
So far I feel incredibly supported by my friends and family. I was
afraid of feeling isolated by motherhood and am feeling quite the
opposite. Lucky girl that I am.
Well, there goes my 2 minutes of computer time.
Fall is here - my favorite season! The air is more crisp and the
leaves are starting to change their hues. I love it.
Happy Fall to y'all.
xo
Jenny
August
6, 2004
Still
no baby... Any day now... Any day... I can hardly wait!
Meanwhile I walk the streets of New York feeling like a modern day
fertility symbol. It's so funny how people react to a very pregnant
woman. People can't seem to keep their hands off my belly! I don't
mind. In fact I find it very sweet. This baby is pickin' up on the
good vibes of so many... Other women smile knowingly at my bigness.
They often stop me and ask when I'm due and whether it's a girl
or a boy (8/11 and I don't know are the answers). They they usually
don't wait for the answer anyway and tell me "It's a boy, you know."
A few people have nodded knowingly and said, "Twins?"
NO! Of that I am sure. There's only one.
At this point I will be VERY surprised if it's a girl. Although
since I have no girl names it will probably be a girl...
Men
gawk at the beach ball lodged under my dress and they too smile
sympathetically as if to say, "better you than me, lady!" I feel
like I'm walking with the cutest puppy in New York. Bus drivers
wave, little children look at me with wide eyes. I can't go to the
post office or anywhere without attracting attention and kind wishes.
It's really amazing - I'd best not get used to all this attention!
Soon it will all be focused on someone else.
I'm still working on the new record. Waiting for Kevin Bents to
solidify his mixes... It's slow moving, but to be fair, I don't
have my usual energy to be there or to bug him! : ) He's doing a
beautiful job and his best to get it done as soon as his schedule
allows... IT WILL BE DONE! One day... Thank you all for your patience.
It has been very challenging trying to work at this stage.
Over the past months I have managed to continue writing a bit...
Not all about babies, don't worry! In fact only one baby song...
I'm sure there will be lots more, but most of them I'll keep for
myself. So far I've been most preoccupied with performing my fair
share of nesting. Trying to make this little New York City apartment
ready for a baby. I never thought I would enjoy it so much...
As the due date approaches (and as I grow ever bigger and more exhausted)
I become more impatient to meet this little person. I'm just hoping
and praying for a safe delivery and a healthy little baby. The sooner
the better, although I feel certain I will miss being pregnant.
It has been such an incredible experience (in spite of severe nasal
congestion - basically haven't breathed through my nose since December
- and swollen hands and feet - damn, they hurt!). I really can't
complain (although I can't seem to help myself : ) I ought not complain.
I feel so lucky. I know how truly fortunate I am.
I am so grateful for all the kind wishes you are sending my way.
I will keep you posted.
Thank you! Jenny
June
15, 2004
Oooh,
it's gonna be a long hot summer! 2 more months to go and I'm getting
bigger by the day... As you can see from this photo! Bustin' out
with Livingston Taylor at BBKings...
Is that really me?
It was so much fun opening for Livingston. He is such a pro and
a very sweet man. We had a great turn out that night. The club was
packed. I do have photos but have yet to upload them to my computer.
I will very soon, promise!I
have perhaps played my last gig for a little while. At least until
the Fall. This will be the longest I haven't played in about 10
years! It's a wonderful and terrifying reality. Not that music is
absent from my life. I'm focusing on finishing my album and writing.
Performing has become so uncomfortable at this stage. My energy
and physical condition make it very difficult and frankly not fun
to perform.
If
ONE MORE PERSON tells me how so and so was singing and strumming
the guitar all the way into the delivery room I and my hormonal
self will have to slap them silly. Why do people feel compelled
to say things like that when I tell them I am having a hard time
performing?! Everyone is different and each woman lives her pregnancy
differently. My fingers are a little swollen and aching and playing
the guitar is painful! My voice has changed (temporarily!!!) and
I sound like a cross between Tracy Chapman and Barry White! Not
to mention the fact that there is a little person resting their
feet on my lungs and I can't find any way to hold the guitar that
makes any sense! It's really difficult to get through an hour long
set like that.
As
I enter my seventh month of pregnancy I can hardly wait to meet
the baby growing inside of me. What will he/she look like? It's
pretty hard to focus on anything else. I see nature does things
well. A baby needs a lot of attention and they demand it. Pretty
compelling business!
I'm
starting to meet more and more singer/songwriters with children
which is of great comfort to me. For so long I was afraid that I
could only be one or the other. Mother or Artist. Now I see that
they are in many ways linked and I can't wait to explore this new
path.
So
many people are being incredibly supportive of me right now and
for that I am immensely grateful. Hoping you will all keep in touch
with me and I'll be back performing in the fall with a new album
and most likely with my littlest dearest creation in tow. Have a
great summer.
BACK
TO TOP
April
11, 2004
So
much has been going on I haven't had the time or presence of mind
to write. Since December a myriad of shifts and developments have
taken place.
I
am still in the process of working on my album. I don't intend to
drag it on much longer, but until I think it sounds amazing I don't
want to call it complete. It's so close... I really want it to be
done by July... That is the absolute final deadline (in my head!).
There have been a few minor complications. Richard Furch who mixed
my album was called to LA on business... and isn't coming back!
Alas, he was offered an amazing job out there working with some
big-time producer and he and his also very talented wife, singer/songwriter
Kyler England will be moving out for good in May. He did a wonderful
job mixing and I am so sad that he is moving! I am considering re-recording
a vocal or two on a few songs and will need to remix those tunes,
so I'm waiting to get the tracks to move forward with that... A
few things aren't sounding just right to me... Not quite ready to
let go.
My
dear grandmother passed away on St. Patrick's day. She died peacefully
in her sleep at the age of 96. Saturday April 3 would have been
her 97th birthday. I will miss her for the rest of my life. She
had a profound impact on me and was very much a part of my conscious
and unconscious life. She was so full of love for her family. I
have never known such love. Her passion for music was immense. She
loved Celtic music, the Beatles, Cole Porter and Cat Stevens. A
few of her favorite songs were Long & Winding Road, Morning
Has Broken, Moon River, and a handfull of beautiful Presbyterian
hymns... She danced the Charleston until she was 94 and loved to
sing (she used to have quite a lovely soprano). She would sing me
to sleep with "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" when I was little...
She loved the gripping, nostalgic songs that formed my life and
love of music.
Here's
the whopper. The August CD deadline is not arbitrary. I am now 5
months pregnant. For those who have seen me perform recently this
is no big news as my belly does all the talking! It's a pretty radical
event for me. I have no peers with children (I don't count the Shawn
Colvins and those who can afford full time live in nannies). I have
no idea how this will alter my life as an artist. I only know that
I am happier than ever and so excited for this new change.
I continue
to make plans for the future concerning tours and booking and will
hope that all the details will be sorted out. Many tell me babies
bring good luck. I already feel so fortunate - I can't wait!!!
Spring
is here and a very welcome thing it is. This Winter has been harsh
and the site of blossoms on the trees warms my heart. It's going
to be a long hot summer : )
Wishing
you all well,
JB
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December
22, 2003
Another
year draws to an end. I hope this entry finds you all healthy and
happy.
2003 has brought me great joy and profound sadness. I am so fortunate
to have my third album nearly completed. How can it be?! The most
amazing part is that for the first time in my recording career I
am not going broke to make this record a reality. The starving artist
thing just wasn't doing it for me. Friends, fans and family all
joined together in response to my plea and managed to finance the
entire production of this album. This too marks the first time I
invited other artists to sing with me and play on my album (as opposed
to Soul On Fire which was mostly me and Kevin Bents (except for
St. Cloud!). How insane! I must have wracked up some seriously good
karma in a past life to deserve such generosity. I am the kind of
person who HATES asking for help. I have learned to be open to letting
others into my life and it has been a humbling experience.
This year I met a bunch of wonderful people and visited many places
both new and familiar. Reconnected with past friends. Synchronicity
permitted some amazing encounters. I can't begin to recount the
intensity of my experiences this year. So many poignant moments.
As Christmas approaches I am excited to see the return of the lights.
Those strings of beautiful jewel colored lights. Those tiny lamps
remind me of spirits or souls. That's why I wrapped myself in them
for Soul On Fire. Wanting to wrap myself up in all that light.
Sometimes those precious little lights burn out. Some way too soon.
My dear friend, James Larsen, passed away on Monday, December 8.
I don't really know what to say about that except that I am so sad
and stunned by his absence. It's still impossible to believe that
he is really not here anymore. At his memorial service his Dad said
something beautiful that has stayed with me. The only thing you
can count on in life is change; sometimes for the better sometimes
the worse. How we all take for granted that things will always be
the way they are. All of us who called James a friend have suffered
a great loss. I hate to imagine how his wife and family feel. Although
death is as natural and inevitable as Winter, it is hardly as predictable
and sometimes the season comes before its time.
I believe that James is at peace. My heart goes out to his amazing
wife, Joanne, and both his and her families. They have set up a
foundation - please take a moment to visit: http://www.nycsirens.com/james.htm
James, I know you used to read this journal and if for some reason
you can hear me or read this, know that I am deeply grateful for
the time I knew you. I miss you and I will carry you in my heart
always.
J
BACK
TO TOP
August
20, 2003
I feel like I haven't been home in ages... Oh, wait, I haven't
been home in ages. So much has happened in the past month. Let's
see.
To start with I can't believe the
generosity so many people have shown me both in sending contributions,
pre-orders and support in many forms. I am actually going to start
recording my next album. I can't believe it.
This summer I was starting to feel
down thinking I could not afford to make another record. I had promised
my husband that this one would not come out of our tattered pockets
and sure enough this record will be a gift from my friends/family/fans.
Every time I think about it I get a little teary-eyed - I'm not
kidding. It's just overwhelming. I promise I will do everything
to make this record live up to the largess of spirit that has been
shown to me. My gratitude is deep and sincere. Makes me feel like
a lucky girl.
Following a busy exciting week in Saratoga Springs gigs/friends/horse
races!), I spent a wonderful week in France off
the coast of Bordeaux for about 8 days. It was so relaxing - I really
needed that. My husband and I were camping in a little tent under
pine trees within walking distance to the Atlantic. It was simple
but a welcome change from NYC.
After that I headed straight out west to Colorado. After one of
the longest days of traveling (nearly 27 hours including an overnight
train, plane to NYC and then plane to Denver) I stayed with my Aunt,
Uncle and Cousin (and her adorable husband and two little girls).
Saturday Amy Speace and I met up to do a show in Littleton that
reminded me how much I missed doing shows with the Speacester. We
had so much fun! Sunday we headed out to Lyons, Colorado for an
experience I won't soon forget.
When we got to the camp grounds for the Rocky Mountain song school
my gut told me to turn t
were people who seemed to know one another chatting and playing
guitars sitting outside of their tents. I thought I had made a big
mistake. Couldn't possibly imagine I'd fit in and could handle another
stretch of sleeping on the hard ground.
Amy and I caught sight of a few familiar faces and pitched our tents
nearby. After a very odd encounter with the locals in town where
we had dinner (long story involving false identities and some weird
guy running his hands through my hair) we headed back to our tents
to sleep. Ha! The music continued through the night until 6am when
the Djembe player next to us decided to call it a night. I was livid!
Well, mostly we were exhausted. As the sun began to rise, on not
more than 30 minutes of sleep Amy and I picked up our tents without
even folding them and walked quite some distance to find a quiet
place to stay near the creek that wound through the campgrounds.
That next day we met some people who made the rest of the week an
adventure. Several singer/songwriters I highly recommend - Justin
Roth from Minnesota, Stephanie Corby from Boston (soon to be Austin),
Jami Lunde from Colorado
and Christopher White (I don't even know where he's from, but he
really knows how to write a mean country tune) and lots of others
I'll be adding to my website soon. There was an instant camaraderie
between us all. We sat
late at night around small candles and shared our songs and stories
with one another. To Christopher, Rob, Jami, Justin, Stephanie,
John and Mike I say thank you from my heart for all your beautiful
music and spirit. Kept me warm on the chilly Rocky Mountain nights.
I know Amy feels the same way.
The weekend was a blast. The Rocky Mountain Folks Festival began
on Friday. Both Amy and I were asked to sing backing vocals for
a very gifted artist, Billy Jonas. I can't possibly describe what
he does. Crazy percussion and songs with more lyrics than your average
novel - but so clever and poignant. Really wonderful. My friends
Greg Tannen, Edie Carey and rian Joseph were among those competing
for the emerging songwriter award. They were all great, but Brian
took first place tying with another artist (Zoe something or other
- I can't seem to remember her name). I was so proud of him! Proud
of them all. It was tough competition.
The next day my friends Ben Butler and Richard Hammond came to town
as they were accompanying Dar Williams who performed later that
evening. Since I sang w/Billy I was given a backstage pass for the
weekend - and I used it! I
spent the whole time backstage eating and drinking (fat tire beer!)
for free watching from the comfy chair section : ) Then another
friend, Richard Julian, appeared as he has been touring the country
opening for Nora Jones. He did a great set and then took me and
a few friends to the tour bus (Nora was already off in the green
room) for a swig of fine tequila (feeling no
pain at that point). The whole weekend ended with the Indigo Girls.
It was just magical. I heard so much
amazing music and was deeply inspired - oh! And how could I forget.
At the last minute I was selected to perform with a few other students
on the main stage in the round! I got to sing 3 songs
(Soul On Fire, Me & Lizzy and a new song "Cross My Heart").
It was such a thrill and an honor.
I could fill pages with all the other things I want to tell you
about. Mountain goats on the peaks at sunset, dips in the icy creek
at noon, a full moon over the Rockies...
So here I am back at home again trying to catch up on the piles
of bills and emails and phone messages. Making a little headway,
but leaving town again this weekend... The show must go on and it
does... always does.
BACK
TO TOP
July 15, 2003
July 1, the day I call my A&R night. It started off at 7pm,
Joe's Pub where I heard my friend Rebecca Martin sing with her band.
She was expecting industry turn-out and turn-up they did! I believe
she had some label offers that very night. She is the first person
I went out to hear after 9/11 when I really needed some healing.
A very soothing artist and a deep soul (used to be part of Once
Blue with Jesse Harris who co-writes with her still).
8:00pm off to the Bitter End to hear Jes Hudak, a 21 years old singer/songwriter
from Saratoga Springs who now lives here in NYC. She calls me her
New York Mommy : ) She performed with Bass player Richard Hammond.
Post-show bumped into amazing singer/songwriters Josh Dodes (VH1
Bands-on-the run) and Eyan Mitchell loading in for their show -
but I had to be somewhere else and was now running late!
Heading way west on Houston Street to some obscure club, I don't
even remember the name, to hear my friend Preacher Boy perform.
He writes w/Eagle Eye Cherry, but his own material is more Tom Waits
meets Muddy Waters. Very cool guy. Got there just as his last song
ended... Bummer (but that's ok, since I got to hear a whole set
this past Saturday).
I grabbed a taxi to the Living Room where Simon Bruce was performing
at 10pm. Simon is an 18 year old sensation from Australia. His Dad
Jeff Bruce emailed me before SXSW last year when he saw my last
name. I
immediately fell in love with Simon's music and his whole family
- they are the absolute sweetest people! Simon now has a publishing
deal and is being represented by Ken Levitan (big-shot manager).
The heads of nearly every label were in attendance at the Living
Room as was legendary producer, Russ Teitleman (who I nearly worked
with 3 years ago...). It
was so fun, 'cause I knew a whole bunch of these people and got
to hang out with the industry. Lei gh Lust from Elektra recognized
me from the Bitter End a few weeks before and we had a really nice
talk. He gave me his card and told me it sounded like I was trying
to take his job : )
Music makes me so happy. It's like vitamins. The body needs all
kinds and varieties and the best way to get 'em is live!!!
This month has been so incredibly active. So much for the sleepy
summer...
This past weekend I performed with Groovelily and Maggie and Terre
Roche of the Roches. My friend Pete Weise played guitar with me
(happened to be in town). We had so much fun! It was a beautiful
night. If you've never caught Groovelily live, you should! I've
never heard their records, but they are extraordinarily talented
and put on a crazy good show.
JB
BACK
TO TOP
June
10, 2003
My, it has been a long while since
I sat down to write an entry into this online journal... Life
has been a whirlwind of gigs, faces, places... March is the
last time I wrote and we're in June... How did that happen?
I am repeating myself, I know!
I don't even know where to begin. March
was about The Side Project tour. From day one we were all really
sick. Spent our nights doping up on Nyquil... hacking and feverish
in the cold Great Lake district. It's all a blur. Not enough sleep.
Many hours in the car. Nevertheless, we did have a fun time. Delirious
late-night conversations. Walkie-talkies back and
forth (between our cars). We certainly honed our sound while sounding
and testing our friendships on the road. It was quite an adventure.
Hopefully one we'll repeat this fall (sans microbes, please!).
April brought more cold weather and
another trip back up to Wisconsin - this time on my own. Again,
very little sleep (those 5am wake up calls to catch planes...).
I had such a nice time at Steven's Point this time (since
I wasn't sick!). Met lots of nice students. I was taken under
the wing of a very gracious student Melissa Chambers who coordinates
events for the Women's Studies dept. We had deep conversations
about relationships and careers in the long car ride from Madison
and over beer (well, only I drank since she's underage) and fried
fish.
Then I had the glorious pleasure of
being flown to Las Cruces, NM to do a few shows to benefit the
Garland Appeal (a Breast Cancer charity). Sun, and heat at last.
Met up with Amy Fairchild and we spent our days by the pool drinking
Coronas and letting time slip by until our evening shows. It was
a mini vacation for us! Those breakfast burritos at the dive across
the street were excellent and dirt cheap. Everyone was incredibly
gracious and kind towards us. We ate some seriously hot/spicy
Mexican food and, well, yes, drank a bit... Our show at the university
went really well. Cellist Michael Patrick was a welcome addition
to the line-up and Dennis D'Amico played a gorgeous set.
One of the highlights was visiting
the White Sands natural park. I've never seen so much... well,
white sand. I forget the mineral... Gypsum? I think that's what
the sand is made of. It's exquisite. Perhaps I could make a music
video there. Or one day return on a full moon (I hear they open
the park at night when there is a full moon) with a blanket and
commune
with the universe (and perhaps even spot a UFO).
Then there was May... More rain and
cold (you get the idea) until I got out to Oklahoma City. More
insanely kind and generous people of the NSO. My band flew out
the next day and we had a great show. Mo & Midge the sea lions
were in attendance. They didn't make any noise but peered with
great curiosity over their fence while we played. It was pretty
cool. Drove to Dallas that night so I could catch a very early
morning flight (4:30am call) to NYC to be back in time to do the
Sophie B. gig.
My friend, Pete Weise, met me in OK
City and drove me back to his place in Denton (near Dallas). The
drive was so lovely. Of course the weather out there was perfect.
Sunny and warm. The countryside rolled green and speckled with
all kinds of exotic (to me) wildflowers. It was lovely (I said
that already).
Ah, then there was Sunday. NJ Pride.
Well, that was... interesting. Rain. Lots of it. Outdoor music
festival. Very cold. On 3 hours sleep. The stage coordinator kept
changing the schedule around incessantly. In fact instead of going
on at 2:30 as planned I went on at around 5:30 (cold, wet and
VERY annoyed) right AFTER Sophie B. Hawkins. Hmmmmmmm. I'm still
kind of stewing about that one. Anyway, there were troupers who
stuck it out for my show (in spite of the inclement weather and
Sophie's exit). Not so bad, I guess in the end.
Tonight, the celebrated Carlyle Hotel
with a lovely Jazz artist, Jaqui Naylor. I must confess, this
is one of my first gigs as a "side" woman. I'll be singing back
up and playing acoustic guitar on a tune. What an honor! I get
to be one of the boys. Lifelong dream come true. This is the famous
NYC room in which Bobby Short has held court for decades. Very
swanky and cool. Must run and get gussied up for tonight. No jeans
and t-shirt for this one. Girlfriend's goin' upscale. You really
ought to check out Jaqui's record. It's quite soulful and she
has such an unusual beautiful sound to her voice.
Looking forward to more adventures
and cool things in the months ahead.
xo - Jenny
BACK
TO TOP
March 20, 2003
New York City is shrouded in mist and rain. I'm on the 21st floor
of a stuffy corporate law firm
in midtown. I do not have a window but the partner opposite me has
a pretty expansive view and I can see bits and pieces of sky. Everything
is light gray. It's quite beautiful and fitting for the mood du
jour. There
is something protective about the rain. It feels safe. We all know
now that a beautiful clear sunny day is not safe.
Everyone I speak to is apprehensive about our actions in Iraq. Although
I realize that Saddam most likely had little or nothing to do with
the events of 9/11 we can not help feeling vulnerable at this point.
I have had
so many nightmares over the past months. Apocalyptic ones. Such
a heavy feeling. I find it mildly amusing
that I should be in the midst of negotiating a career in France
right now. Not the best timing, I suppose,
however, we're moving forward as if everything is normal. Fingers
crossed. Perhaps the sad truth is that violence, war, hatred, misguided
political, economical agendas are all part of the norm.
I've been working with producer, Roger Greenawalt revamping several
new songs to send to France as
possible singles. Noel Cohen co-wrote these songs with me, "The
Longest Mile" and "Desert Heart" We
had demos of the tunes and Roger is reworking them to sound
like records. The songs sound huge!
My concern is they are maybe a little too huge. I am feeling so
introspective right now it feels odd to be
working on this big full-on super-produced pop tunes. Not like Britney
produced or anything, don't worry. I remember when Kevin first played
me Soul On Fire I thought it was waaaaaaaaaaaay over-produced.
Now it sounds just about right. Tonight I am heading over to work
with my friend (drummer) Ethan
Eubanks on one of my relatively new songs that he really likes.
I'm excited to see how it turns out.
At least I feel like I'm moving forward. The truth is that I'm conflicted
about how I want my next album
to sound. It appears that, once again, I will be financing my next
record. Do I want to do another big
album like Soul On Fire or go really organic and pared down? If
I could make as many records as
I wanted it wouldn't be such an issue. We shall see...Perhaps it
will be a combination of the two.
Some huge songs and a some really acoustic.
Ah, for a few minutes I thought of something other than war. Thank
GOD for music. Thank YOU
for listening.
xo - J
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TO TOP
February 14, 2003
Happy
Valentine's Day!!!
Home
sweet home. Although I had a wonderful time, I am happy to be
'safely' back in NYC. We had a 3 hour layover at Heathrow yesterday.
At the terminal the cover of nearly every UK newspaper was chronicling
the terrorism alert at the airport the previous day. Nice. Not
a very comfortable place to be right now - on earth, that is!
Heavy heart. It seems that killing is on the bill no matter how
you slice it. I just wish there were another way... Isn't there
another way?
Well,
on a positive note, the show in Lyon was one of the best nights
of my life! People did show up - 1800 lovely Lyonnais (and others)
came out to the Transbordeur. I had so much fun!!! The band sounded
great and the audience was so kind. They even listened to the
quiet songs and I saw cigarette lighters swaying here and there.
People clapped along during Soul On Fire and Elijah. They called
me back for an encore - what a feeling to hear hundreds of people
clapping and calling me back. It was really fun. I was so happy.
I really didn't know how the crowd would react to me and my music.
On a humorous note, I was told by more than one that my performance
style was virile. How funny : ) I'll take that as a compliment.
Perhaps French women are generally a little more gentle and demure
than moi. Virile... That's not something I'm used to hearing...
Anyway, it was loads of fun. I can't wait to do it again.
Saturday
night I wasn't in my best shape vocally. The day before (well,
starting at around 4am) I was sick as a dog with a really nasty
stomach flu. I could hardly get out of bed the next morning. Well,
in fact I didn't. Horrible stomach cramps and all the other trimmings.
I couldn't make it to the airport to pick up my band members.
The idea of getting into a car... Not possible. Ate nothing all
day Friday. Saturday I felt much better, but was still wobbly.
Thank GOD I didn't come down with the bug on Saturday. That would
have been catastrophic! Well, even though it wasn't my best vocal
performance ever, I think it went pretty well... Oh, and how do
I know it was a bug and not food poisoning? Well, I didn't until
3 days later, when poor Bernard came down with exactly the same
thing (he joined me in France on Friday). Oops. Share and share
alike.
I
just found out that my song, "Amen" was on the NBC TV show, "Meet
My Parents." Yikes. Has anyone seen this show? I'm not a big fan
of reality TV. I am told that the episode aired last Saturday.
Amy Speace's sister caught it in Colorado. What a trip. I'm going
to try to watch it this weekend. I can't quite figure out how
Amen would fit into a reality dating TV show... What a strange
world. Believe me, I am very grateful for the exposure and will
appreciate the check. I don't think the show is too offensive,
hopefully...
On
this Valentine's Day I wish the world a lot of love, kindness
and chocolate hearts. If only that were enough.
-J
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TO TOP
February 4, 2003
I forget
how these old buildings hold in the cold. This place is about
300 years old and the stone walls are 1 foot thick. I'm sitting
inches from a space heater shivering... The studio is in the old
part of Lyon. Beautiful twisting cobblestone streets. Narrow staircases
leading to unknown heights intersect each street. Small boutiques.
It's beautiful.
I just had lunch. A hamburger with french fries and a pepsi. I'm
not kidding.
As soon as I got off the plane last Wednesday I was escorted directly
to the local TV station to record 3 songs, live and conduct an
interview, in French, of course! I hardly remember the experience
as I slept about 3 hours in 24. Auto-pilot. I saw the program
last night, it's been playing every day and will until this weekend.
In spite of the exhaustion and cold I think I did a pretty good
job. I sang and played better than ever - the sound was pristine
and they made me up to look rested : ) People are grabbing tickets
for the concert and it looks like we're going to pack the place.
Yippeeeee!
My band arrives on Friday. This is going to be wild. How funny
to see the boys here in Lyon. I hope they enjoy the experience
and aren't too exhausted. I think we're going to have some serious
fun.
So far, Lyon is reacting really well to my music. I guess Lyon
is the equivalent of San Francisco or Boston compared to New York.
It's a big city (the second largest in France after Paris). If
things go well here... How cool that would be. For now
I am enjoying the atmosphere. It's fun to be in a place where
no one knows me. I feel like I get a clean slate.
At the very least this will have been a great time for me to remember.
Perhaps this will be the beginning of a new career... I'm on a
path. One step at a time. No road signs, just beautiful scenery
on either side. I'll keep walking.
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December
26, 2002
Happy New Year!
We had a white Christmas here in NYC. How wonderful. The city
was quiet and peaceful for the day.
This is the darkest time of year this side of the equator and
we need to celebrate something. So revel in what you will. Celebrate
evergreens in winter, colored lights, warm smiles, hot chocolate
whatever it takes to get you through the dark, cold months. For
those of you in California and other warm places, please invite
me to visit!!! : )
Having just listened to Rob Mathes's new CD "Evening Train" the
first thing that struck me (after being profoundly impressed by
his talent - he is amazing) is how aware and appreciative he is
of the good things he has. He seems to value the people in his
life in a way I envy and admire. What a beautiful artist. Great
singer, pianist, guitarist, songwriter he is. Truly a gifted and
uplifting performer. I highly recommend checking him out.
This year I met some amazing people. Both in and outside of music.
I am grateful that those people came into my life. They know who
they are...
I was watching a bit of TV the other night, trying to relax. Some
silly E special about Dirty Dancing. They panned to an old shot
of NYC with the World Trade Center... I watched in silence with
Bernard. We never spoke about it. What is there to say? Sincerely,
I am shocked at how deeply we still feel that loss. I guess we
always will. As I did my last minute Christmas shopping I couldn't
help feeling that presents seemed superfluous. Although everyone
loves opening gifts, it just feels like we all need so much of
the stuff that can't be wrapped.
Gratitude. That is my mantra. I am grateful for so many things.
For love, music and friendship. May we all have lots of it and
the wisdom to know and appreciate when we've got it.
I feel like this is going to be a good year. I don't know why.
I just do. So many fun and exciting projects beginning. I'll keep
you posted as they develop.
My gratitude and appreciation to you.
Jenny
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December
4, 2002
Oh, dear! I gather my last journal
entry was pretty gloomy. I debated today whether or not I should
delete it! Decided against as a journal wouldn't be of much worth
if I glossed over the reality that I, like everyone, have difficult
days. Well, I'll leave it for now.
Thank
you so much to those of you who expressed concern about my emotional
state of being. I'm really OK. One of those days.
Fortunately, Monday night a lovely singer/songwriter Ina May Wool
brought me to Jack Hardy's songwriter gathering in Greenwich Village.
For those of you who don't know about Jack, he's been hosting
this gathering of songwriters in his home for nearly 30 years.
He has a tiny old apartment that he packs with 20 or more people
every Monday night. Songwriters are supposed to write a new song
each week and bring it in for a critique. Shawn Colvin, Suzanne
Vega and John Gorka are alumnae of the group.
To my great surprise, Suzanne Vega was there! I had to feign composure
when she walked in as I am truly a big fan of hers. She just came
to listen like everyone else. How amazing. I spoke to her briefly.
She too is a Barnard College graduate. What a kind, intelligent
woman with the prettiest blue eyes... Yeah, I was star-struck
: ) I asked her if she had a new song to play. She told me she
was "bad" and hadn't written anything. I replied, "You've written
a few good songs already. I'm sure they'll forgive you!" I got
a smirk and a "thanks" from her. OK, so I am just a dork.
Feeling a bit more positive about life today. Well, at least I'm
trying to have a sense of humor about it all.
Thank you again so much for... well, for being there. xo, J
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December
1, 2002
Thanksgiving again? How
is that possible. I am becoming a broken record. Time... Slipping
away.
Something feels different this year. The holiday season is approaching,
but I don't feel that sense of anticipation and levity that usually
accompanies the crisp air and the arrival of pine trees from Canada.
It feels really difficult to be positive right now. There is so
much uncertainty and suffering all around. I feel very alienated
by our government. The financial outlook is bleak. I can't seem
to motivate myself to start thinking about shopping. OK, I NEVER
liked holiday shopping. This year just feels different. Residual
sadness from last year, I suppose.
Thanksgiving felt so significant this year. I really thought about
my life and the people in it. I am so thankful for those I love.
My 96 year old grandmother was at dinner. I was in awe of her.
She loves us all so much. I couldn't help thinking that 96 years
is a damn long time to live. Well, back to the fact that I have
so much to be thankful for. It overwhelms me. Yet doesn't seem
to alleviate the sadness.
Many
of my friends have children now. Families are sprouting up all
around me. As I get older, the choices I face feel more daunting
and significant. As the music industry seems to favor artists
under 21 I wonder where my place is. In fact I wonder if I have
a place! I remember when 27/28 was the average age of a "new"
artist. Now 18 seems to be the average. How did that happen? As
people live longer and healthier lives, you'd think that the age
would go up not down! While I recognize the talent in some of
these very young artists, I do not feel compelled to listen to
what they're saying. I am drawn to lyrics that speak from experience.
I can't get excited about skater boys...
Well,
I guess I don't have much else to add. I hope you're all feeling
more cheerful than I am!!! Ah, there are good days and bad days.
It's a very cold Sunday afternoon. A friend is coming over soon
to write. We started a beautiful song about a month and a half
ago and are going to finish it - I hope!!! It's a piano song and
I haven't written on the piano in ages.
Happy
Holidays to you all. I am thankful that there are people reading
this. Thank you! J
September 12, 2002
One year later. I remember writing
my journal entry about 9/11 as if it were yesterday not one year
ago. Yesterday was the most extraordinary day. It still doesn't
seem real. The morning was as I expected, slow moving, somber...
I watched the ceremonies on TV with a heavy heart. As the day
progressed I became more anxious about having to perform that
night and couldn't seem to get anything done. Choosing a set list
was impossible. What to sing on such an occasion. Nothing would
do justice. In the words of Richard Julian, "There Is No Song."
Me
and Bernard decide to have lunch in Central Park which is something
we do when the weather and our schedules permit. We sit on the
great lawn (a very large field of grass in the middle of Central
Park with several baseball diamonds) or wherever we can find a
clear patch of green. As we head to the great lawn we see preparations
for the concert for that night. I didn't really know much about
it, just that there was a giant stage set up and a huge sound
system. On stage, part of the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra is
warming up and doing a sound check. We find a nice spot in the
grass and eat our sandwiches. The wind was strong and creating
beautiful patterns in the grass. As I sit mesmerized I hear a
familiar voice through the speakers. I tell Bernard, "that sounds
like Billy Joel." I'm not even sure how I know his speaking voice.
There were lots of people on stage and we couldn't see who was
talking. Bear in mind that it's 2pm and there are maybe 30 or
so people spread out on the lawn. Really nobody around by New
York standards. Suddenly the crowd on stage disappears and there
he is, Billy Joel sitting at a grand piano. With no warning he
breaks into the intro of "New York State of Mind." Instantly the
jazz orchestra chimes in. As he sings the line, "Some folks like
to get away..." I feel the bitterness in my throat. My feelings
were unleashed and tears streamed down my face through the duration
of the song. Magic. All the sadness came out and was replaced
with warmth. This was one of the most poignant moments of my life.
To be sitting in Central Park on the first anniversary of 9/11
getting a nearly private concert from Billy Joel singing NY State
of Mind. Well, it just doesn't get any better. It still feels
like I dreamt it all. They rehearsed the song again and he left
to the applause of the 70 or so people who had gathered to hear
him.
Last
night Jennifer Marks, Amelia's Dream, Richard Julian, Preacher
Boy, Jo Davidson and I sang our little hearts out. My friend,
poet Taylor Mali, had the audience on the edge of their seats.
It was a magical evening. There was so much soul and love in that
room. Everyone, as Preacher said, came to play and stepped up
to the plate ready to hit a homer : ) Jeff Cohen came by and sang
a few tunes at the end and I harmonized a little with him. It
was such a beautiful day and evening. It gave me a little taste
of hope for the future.
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August
19, 2002 Temporarily Yours...
Sometimes you are
ambling along in your own reality and then it hits you. The big
picture. Billions of people on this planet with hopes and dreams.
Some just trying to survive. No time to dream. Feels a little
scary to take a step back. Maybe that's why I don't do it all
that often. Reminds me to be thankful and not take everything
so seriously.
I seem to have some
time for reflection today. I am sitting in the office of a huge
corporate bank. Temping. Not really sure what to do with my time.
Not sure what anyone here is doing. No one has told me. People
around me look busy, but I have no earthly clue as to what occupies
them. Again, I am a temp, no one tells me anything.
Occasionally people
give me something to do or the phones ring. Mostly, I’m trying
to not attract attention. Have you ever seen the movie “Clockwachers?
Very funny movie for anyone who has been a temp. Parker Posey,
Lisa Kudrow and Toni (whatshername from Muriel’s Wedding). For
the most part I'm left to my own devices. I am aware that I am
sitting here to make money to pay off debt. I am aware that I
am temporary.
What a different approach
to work. When you love to do something- teaching football, accounting,
music-whatever it is-you rarely think about the dollar value of
each and every minute... Lucky people who make a living doing
what they love to do. I guess I'm lucky that I know how I want
to make a living and I may spend my life trying to figure out
how to do it!
Perhaps it's time
to plan a hostile corporate take over! I think not. I'll just
keep watching the clock until it's 5pm at which point I'll already
be packed and ready to slip out unnoticed.
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July 15, 2002 - Home from France
Day after Bastille Day. I
was on a plane flying home to New York from France on the
day itself. Not much
festivity in that! Exhausting. Flying always drains me - add to
that the jet-lag.
Last week I was in a small town in France called Besancon. This was
a very last minute trip. A charity called Handicap International
flew me over to participate in a recording honoring their 20th
anniversary. Me and about 15 other artists (all French except
moi) sang a song together in the "We Are The World" genre. It
was really a lot of fun. I met some very talented super sweet
people while recording. This was my first time in Besancon and
I didn't get to do any visiting, but the time was well spent talking,
singing, jamming, cigarettes galore and eating & drinking
a la francaise!
In September the song will be broadcast on all the major French radio
stations and a video that was filmed of us singing in the studio
will be shown on all the major TV networks in France. The coolest
part is that they chose me to open the song and sing the first
line (well, I think everyone else messed it up so they picked
my take : ) It was just such a blast. I haven't sung in French
in so many years. Always love a challenge. True to French style
there was no air-conditioning in the studio. When all 15 or so
of us jammed into the studio to sing the group parts it was hotter
than hell! Of course it's all captured on video somewhere. It
won't be a glamorous slick MTV style video. We're all sweating
like pigs (do pigs sweat???) and laughing. They also shot us singing
individually - much less sweating - but still all very casual.
No make up or anything. No wind machine (not even a fan which
would have been greatly appreciated!). But the studio was otherwise
lovely and the people who run it were also a treat.
Back to life here in NY. As I was straightening up today I found
a short poem I wrote on the last day of my tour with Amy Speace
around the US. Brought back memories. It isn't Blake or Byron,
but whatevah.
When I was in Austin, TX earlier this year a very good friend of
mine transcribed Stevie Wonder's "Superstition" for me so I could
play it (I still can't). I've always LOVED that song. When writing
the title above the chords he accidentally wrote "Superstion"
and then just tagged on "ize," so the song has been renamed "Superstionize."
Had us laughing for hours (we simple folk).
The last day of Amy's and my tour across the US Jagoda (percussionist)
put on a CD that started with "Superstition." I guess you had
to be there : )
Superstionize
Last Stop
Williamsport
20 States of mind in
5 weeks time
Mountains, green,
Water, skyscrapers, main streets
joined by the broken white line
Perforated road
Hours of wind and sky
No revelations - fewer explanations
Just wheels spinning, spinning
smokes/silence/songs
Last Stop
Blind Boy Wonder sings
Superstition
I remember another rendition
"Superstionize" me
What is will always be
Ephemerally
"When you believe in things that you don't understand then you suffer..."
Stevie Wonder
Jenny Bruce
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June 26, 2002- A "Cool" Poem
Coldplay's Parachutes has barely
left my portable cd player. Right now it's helping to keep
me cool in my un-airconditioned room. Sweltering heat. Aaaaah,
I do love the summertime. My friend Erika gave me a book of Rumi's
poetry for my birthday last year. I'm ashamed to say that I barely
had time to look at it (my birthday is in November). Last night
I came across a poem that brought tears to my eyes as it so aptly
put words to my feelings:
A Necessary Autumn Inside Each
You and I have spoken all these words, but as for the way
we have to go, words
are no preparation. There is no getting ready, other than
grace. My faults
have stayed hidden. One might call that a preparation!
I have one small drop
of knowing in my soul. Let it dissolve in your ocean.
There are so many threats to it.
Inside each of us, there's continual autumn. Our leaves
fall and are blown out
over the water. A crow sits in the blackened limbs and talks
about what's gone. Then
your generosity returns: spring, moisture, intelligence, the
scent of hyacinth and rose
and cypress. Joseph is back! And if you don't feel in
yourself the freshness of
Joseph, be Jacob! Weep and then smile. Don't pretend to know
something you haven't experienced.
There's a necessary dying, and then Jesus is breathing again.
Very little grows on jagged
rock. Be ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up
where you are. You've been
stony for too many years. Try something different. Surrender
How pretty is that? I have nothing to add today. Stay cool everyone.
Jenny
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May
28, 2002-Tour
These
last 5 weeks restored my faith in the goodness of humanity.
Everywhere we went strangers, friends and family went out of their
way to be helpful to me and Amy. People offering places to stay,
food and moral support; buying our cds and coming out to hear
us play. Truly my heart is brimming with gratitude for this experience.
Returning
to New York has been a little difficult. Full moon and mercury
in retrograde added to the "high alert" and steamy weather...
Everyone is going on about their business, but there is a lot
of tension in the air. Saw a bad car accident and several
near disasters in the span of 3 days. Pretty unusual even in NYC.
Just feels like everyone is elsewhere and a little on edge.
I
haven't really been home much since coming back. Had a show in
Boston on Sunday and have shows out of town Thursday - Saturday
night. Then I fly to France Monday morning for 3 weeks to visit
my husband's family and see friends. I will certainly be attending
to some music biz while I'm there, but it's mostly a trip to reconnect.
That'll be good.
Feeling
very aware of the choices I make and have made in my life. I constantly
battle the knowledge that I can't have it all... If I wanted money
and a large family music isn't the right career choice. Sometimes
it doesn't feel like a choice - it feels like an obsession or
an addiction. I know that when I'm not doing music I'm miserable,
so in that respect if this is a choice it's an easy one. Chose
between misery and the struggle towards fulfillment - not so difficult.
Made my bed and only I can lie in it.
Sending
out peaceful thoughts into the universe in hopes that no more
terrorist acts occur on this soil or anywhere (yeah, I know, I'm
dreaming).
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May 25, 2002- Home Again
Hi
everyone. Just wanted to say that I'm back home in NYC from the
tour. Thank you to everyone along the way who took the time to
post a message in my guestbook. I have loved reading your comments.
It was a great tour. I love Amy Speace. After 5 weeks in a Ford
Focus we're still friends. Not a lot of people I could spend that
kind of time with!
It
was a great adventure and we hope to do it again soon.
Thank
you to all the people who helped us with this tour. Your kindness
and generosity were deeply appreciated. So many people gave us
shelter, fed us and encouraged us in our mission. I am forever
grateful.
Back
on "high alert." Won't keep me from going to the movies tonight.
Not gonna live in fear.
xo
Jenny
Bruce
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May 9, 2002 - San Diego or Bust
We're leaving Los Angeles today and heading to San Diego. Days are
melting together at this point. I'm happy yet utterly rootless.
I know I have a life in New York, but it feels somewhat
unreal... I have no idea how people go out on
the road for many months at a time. What a crazy life.
Have to admit it's been a lot of fun so far. We've met some
really wonderful people. All kinds from all over the world.
Photographers, tarot card readers, bankers, lawyers, hit-men
(well, that's what he told us he did)... It's been
a journey and we have 2 weeks still ahead. Can't wait!
I've been doing a tiny bit of writing. Wrote a song called
"Freaks." It's self-explanatory : )
Just a quick note to say that I'm still out here - hope you're
all doing well. Please drop me a line in the guest book
- and do me a favor, like my Mom always said, "If you don't
have anything nice to say..." My Mom will kick your ass.
(:
Thank you so much to those of you I've met on the road who
have taken the time to post messages. Great to hear from
you!!!
Jenny
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